The Lies That Keep Women Stuck

"Even small moves toward possibility create momentum. And that momentum is where transformation begins"

There’s a unique kind of frustration that comes when you know you're capable of more—but for some reason, you keep shrinking back. You hesitate when you should speak. You say yes when you want to say no. You’ve got dreams, vision, and a voice—but it feels like something invisible is holding you in place.

What if the thing that’s holding you back isn’t outside of you at all?

Many women aren’t held back by lack of skill or opportunity. They’re held back by beliefs they’ve unknowingly accepted—beliefs that quietly whisper that they aren’t ready, aren’t capable, or aren’t allowed to want more. The real danger? These beliefs rarely feel like lies. They feel like truth. But they aren’t.

Let’s break open three of the most common lies that keep ambitious, powerful, and brilliant women stuck—and explore how to begin replacing them with something much more freeing.

First, What’s Really Going On?

Before we name the lies, we need to look at the mental framework that allows them to thrive. If you’ve been in the personal development space, you’ve likely heard about the fixed mindset vs. growth mindset.

A fixed mindset quietly says:

• “This is just who I am.”

• “I failed before, so I’ll probably fail again.”

• “I’m not good at that, so why try?”
  

In contrast, a growth mindset opens the door to possibility:

• “I can figure this out.”

• “Every mistake teaches me something.”

• “I’m not where I want to be yet—but I can grow.”
  

Here’s the catch: most of our mindset runs on autopilot. Studies suggest up to 94% of our mental processing is subconscious. So even if you say you’re pursuing growth, you might be operating under old scripts that reinforce stuckness.

Becoming aware of what you believe—and where it came from—is the first step toward real change.

Lie #1: “This is just the way it is.”

This one is so subtle that it often goes unnoticed. It might show up in phrases like:

• “This is just the way things work at this job.”

• “This is just how our relationship is.”

• “I guess this is how life is in your 30s, 40s, 50s...”

At first glance, this sounds like acceptance. But what it often reflects is resignation. It’s the belief that we’re powerless to change our circumstances—that what’s always been will always be.

And here’s the truth: just because something has been one way doesn’t mean it has to stay that way.

This lie sticks around because it gives us a false sense of control. If we accept the situation, we don’t have to risk disappointment. But it also keeps us from taking even the smallest steps toward change.

One of the most powerful shifts you can make is to begin asking better questions. Instead of ruminating on what’s not working, ask yourself:
What’s one thing I haven’t tried yet? What feels like a small but meaningful shift I could make this week?

Even small moves toward possibility create momentum. And that momentum is where transformation begins.

Lie #2: “I’m just not capable.”

This one runs deeper than we often realize. It doesn’t always sound dramatic—sometimes it’s a quiet, low-grade hum underneath your daily life. You avoid applying for that role, leading that meeting, pitching your idea—not because you don’t want to, but because you’ve internalized a belief that you’re just not cut out for it.

But capability isn’t something you either have or you don’t.
Capability is a muscle—and you build it by doing.

Think about it: you weren’t “ready” the first time you tried to walk, ride a bike, or drive. You learned through repetition. You fell. You failed. But you kept going—and that’s how capability was born.

Unfortunately, many women stop trying not because they’re incapable—but because they’ve learned to associate failure with shame. A failed business, a rough performance review, a critical parent—these experiences leave imprints. They make you question your worth.

But they don’t define it.

A powerful reframe? Start reminding yourself of the things you have done. When women in our Rise Up Community start listing the hard things they’ve already overcome, there’s always a moment of surprise. They realize: “Oh wait, I’ve already done difficult things. I am capable.”

And that belief? It’s fuel.

Lie #3: “If it didn’t work before, it won’t work now.”

This lie is the thief of fresh starts.

It tells us our past is predictive. That the failed relationship, the closed door, the dream that didn’t take off means future attempts will also fall flat. We start saying things like:

• “I tried speaking up once and it backfired.”

• “That business didn’t work out, so I guess I’m not cut out for this.”

• “I gave that opportunity everything I had, and it still didn’t happen.”
  

But your past isn’t prophecy. It’s just data.

You’re not the same person you were back then. You’ve learned, grown, healed, and evolved. But if you let old evidence override present possibilities, you’ll keep shrinking instead of stepping forward.

Here’s the reality: most of our fear of trying again isn’t rooted in failure—it’s rooted in memory. But just because something didn’t work before doesn’t mean it won’t work now. Timing, alignment, clarity—these evolve. So do you.

Ask yourself: Is this thought actually true, or is it just a story I’ve been repeating?
That simple awareness can start to unravel years of self-protection disguised as “wisdom.”

You’re Not Too Late. You’re Just Getting Started.

If no one has reminded you lately:
You are not too much.
You are not too late.
And you are certainly not meant to play small.

The journey to owning your voice and trusting your brilliance isn’t about pretending the fear isn’t real. It’s about choosing—over and over again—to believe something more true than your fear.

Because you get to decide what story you feed.

So take a breath. Look at the beliefs that have shaped your story. And remember that you are the author. Your past doesn’t get to write your future—unless you hand it the pen.

🎧 Want to go deeper? Listen to this episode on the Rise Up Buttercup Podcast:
👉 The 3 Lies That Keep Us Playing Small

Written by the team at A Higher Way Of Living