How To Gain Control, When Life Feels Out Of Control

“When your heart is heavy and your mind is exhausted, it’s easy to want to throw in the towel and just give up. It’s easy to forget all of the things you’ve gone through in your life, and all of the things you’ve overcome.” - Amy Gerhartz

Have you ever had one of those days? You know what I’m talking about. The days where you think you’ve got things completely figured out, you’re out in the world living your best life, and then all of a sudden… BOOM! Something comes up out of the blue and knocks everything within your sphere completely off balance. Perhaps it’s a breakup, or an unexpected loss of a loved one, that sends you into heartbreak and emotional chaos. Maybe it’s a job loss, a fender bender, or a busted water pipe in your home that creates financial woes and fear. 

No matter what it is, there is one common reaction across the board. When something unexpected happens, most human beings have a natural default to spiral out of control, allowing self-doubt, fear, overwhelm, confusion, sadness and a plethora of other emotions to enter into their space. These emotions can then cause you to feel crippled, taking over your days, weeks, months or years.

So how in the world do you gain control of your life, when everything around you feels completely out of control? Well I’ve put together 3 steps to get you back on track, so that you can take back control of your life, and NOT have it control you.

Step #1: FEEL your feelings.

The truth of the matter is, that sometimes life just sucks! There, I said it. Life can suck, and because it does, we usually have people around us that will say unproductive things like “just move on” or “suck it up” or “it’s ok”. Those people absolutely mean well, but here’s the real truth: IT’S NOT OK! Whatever has happened in your life, whatever is causing you distress, is absolutely NOT OK. So it’s important to allow yourself to acknowledge that, and to then to create space to feel whatever it is that comes up for you. You are allowed to be angry. You are allowed to be sad. You are allowed to be freaking pissed off, overwhelmed and scared. (You are NOT, however, allowed to take those feelings out on the people around you). By connecting to what you’re feeling, you are giving yourself space and time to process whatever it is you’re going through. You will also find that by spending time with your emotions, that you’ll more than likely be able to come out of the darkness much quicker.

Step #2: Focus on what you CAN control.

By this, I mean yourself. Sure, you may not be able to control anyone or anything around you, but you absolutely can control yourself: your thoughts, words, surroundings, actions, reactions, etc. So while you’re processing the “out of control”, focus your thoughts on what you can control. For example, you can control what time you wake up in the morning. You can control the clothes that you wear. You can control what you eat, what you say, and how you behave day-to-day. Sure, the chaos may still be swirling around you, but shifting your focus onto yourself, gives you an opportunity to slow down and take things one step at a time. 

Step #3: Remind yourself that where you are now, is not where you will always be.

When your heart is heavy and your mind is exhausted, it’s easy to want to throw in the towel and just give up. It’s easy to forget all of the things you’ve gone through in your life, and all of the things you’ve overcome. If you allow yourself to take a step back, and to mentally detach from your current situation by focusing on “the big picture”, you may notice that you’ve always pulled through before, and that you can do it again. You’ve always healed your heartache. You’ve always soothed your fears. You’ve always found a way to make it through. Yes, this time it may feel like your body has just been thrust into a burning fire, but you will find a way through this as well, and eventually your wounds will heal. Why? Because you are resilient. You wouldn’t be reading this article if you weren’t. So spend a little time reflecting on everything you’ve made it through in the past, and lean into trusting yourself enough to make it through this experience as well.

As a final reminder, be kind to yourself along the way. No matter what you’re feeling, no matter what you’re going through, no matter how much you want to have a full-on meltdown and scream from the rooftops about how life isn’t fair… Be kind to yourself. 

If you need support getting through the chaos, or perhaps you want to create an incredible relationship with yourself so that you can live the best life possible, check out our affordable monthly coaching membership as a great way to get started on your journey (and/or pick up some new tips as a refresher along the way). Our team is here for you!

Remember, you are one of a kind, and absolutely worth it! 

Amy